Kaepernick dies in 18-wheeler accident


[SAN FRANCISCO, CA]-Colin Kaepernick died after being struck by an 18 wheeler on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco in the early morning hours of October 26, 2016.

The big rig ran over him after he kneeled in the middle of the highway. Sources say that the driver of the 18 wheeler was blaring the national anthem on the radio. This is what ultimately caused Kaepernick to take a knee.

Seth Leto, the driver of the big rig said, “I was being all patriotic and stuff, then boom, I hit what I thought was a raccoon.” Kaepernick’s lack of a brain made him feel lighter, which is why he assumed it was a smaller animal.

Victoria Bankston, a witness to the accident said, “I can’t believe someone would be stupid enough to kneel down in the middle of the highway.” Bad things happen when you take a knee during the national anthem. She seemed very calm after the accident was over. Bankston said, “At least he didn’t hit a raccoon.”

Police arrived on the scene shortly after Kaepernick’s untimely death. Police Sgt. Willy Everlearn made a statement after investigating the death scene. Sgt. Everlearn said, “We are all saddened by the loss of one of America’s least favorite quarterbacks, but at least he died for what he believed in.” No charges were filed against Leto on the grounds of “defending his country”.

This story has been arranged by the Communications 151 and 341 classes, at Southeastern Louisiana University. No persons, animals, zombies, or ghosts were harmed during the production of this story. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is simply a figment of one’s own imagination. This story was created for comedic purposes only, and may be unsuitable for the oversensitive, non-humorous, or those individuals with illogical religious beliefs. This story contains scenes that are utterly appalling and may cause involuntary outbursts of laughter. These outbursts may in turn lead to crying, potentially inducing red-eye. Catching red-eye may cause one to be mistaken for a zombie… zombies are killed. Individuals with a great fear of the unknown should take extra caution. Southeastern Louisiana University will not be held accountable for any misfortunes. Happy Halloween!

Share Button

Post Author: Taylorsharp and PaulFerguson

I am 20 years old. I am a broadcast major from Walker LA and I am a junior at Southeastern.