Clown Lives Matter

[Hammond, LA] – A coalition of Hammond’s local clowns, Humorists Against Hateful Accusations, came together last night to protest the recent stigma surrounding clowns and clown culture.

  The HAHA flooded the streets of downtown Hammond following a sighting of a potentially murderous clown.  Maggie McNeese, 9, said that she spotted one of the knife-wielding jokers while she was riding her bike by the Columbia Theater on 220 East Thomas St.

 “It was really scary,” said McNeese, “if it was up to me, clowns wouldn’t be allowed in Hammond anymore.”  

Then came the incident of the near fatal attack on, Pongo the clown, Martin Turner, that sparked the idea that clowns of the Louisiana needed to start banning together. Fellow clown and Turner’s long time friend sat shaking his head as he recalls the day his friend was attacked in a local park.

“It was the most unthinkable thing I had ever seen, ” said Terrance Lowden, “He was simply walking through the park, and waved at a little girl. Next thing you know parents start running over screaming and hitting Martin. After it was all over there was nothing left but bits and pieces; a detach lonely red nose, a big floppy shoe, and his smile was wiped clean off.”

Many of Hammond’s parents and teachers showed their support of the attack on social media sharing the hashtag #DownWithClowns.

  Following the emergence of the hashtag, the HAHA responded with a protest of their own.  Many clowns were seen holding up signs with phrases such a #ClownLivesMatter and #Not ALL Clowns.  Peter Hernandez, a local clown, organized the event. He explained he was here to support the innocent and fight the ignorant who do not understand clown culture.  

“All we want to do is make people smile,” said Hernandez, “it’s really unfortunate we’ve gotten such a bad rep.”

Most supporters were clowns themselves, although a few were allies supporting the cause.

Flint Wesson, a research analyst based in the downtown area, said, “I’ve always loved clowns and I will fight with every ounce of my energy to defend them. The media is biased and it’s finally showing. We can’t just stand around and do nothing anymore while innocent clowns are being humiliated.”


This story has been arranged by the Communications 151 and 341 classes, at Southeastern Louisiana University. No persons, animals, zombies, or ghosts were harmed during the production of this story. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, is simply a figment of one’s own imagination. This story was created for comedic purposes only, and may be unsuitable for the oversensitive, non-humorous, or those individuals with illogical religious beliefs. This story contains scenes that are utterly appalling and may cause involuntary outbursts of laughter. These outbursts may in turn lead to crying, potentially inducing red-eye. Catching red-eye may cause one to be mistaken for a zombie… zombies are killed. Individuals with a great fear of the unknown should take extra caution. Southeastern Louisiana University will not be held accountable for any misfortunes. Happy Halloween!

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Emily Jones

Emily Jones

Communication major at Southeastern also part of the Broadcast Education Association. Main goal is to work in TV and film and to continue to be a professional nerd on the side.

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